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(Opening Soon) 
TOP THREE REASONS WHY GOLF IS BETTER THAN SEX !!
Reason #3 - A below par performance is considered very good !!
Reason #2 - Foursomes are highly encouraged.
AND THE BEST REASON OF ALL >>>>>
Reason #1 - If your equipment get old and rusty - you can go out and replace it !!
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WHY GET MARRIED ??
When asked why she never married, a 70 year old gal replied:
"I never married because there was no need. I've got three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. "
"I've got a dog that growls every morning - - a parrot that swears all afternoon - - and a cat that comes home late at night."
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AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED !!
They say that guys aren't generally stupid >>>>> BUT >>>>>
1. My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels and asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust" !! And then the fight started >>>>>
2. My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds". So, I went out and bought her a new bathroom scale... and then..... the fight started >>>>>
3. A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She's not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." So.... he quickly replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." and then the fight started >>>>>
4. I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter for some reason, took my order first so I told him, "I'll have the New York Strip, medium rare please." So he says, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" So I said, "Nah, she can order for herself" and..... that's when the fight started >>>>>
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W H Y !!!! 
1. Why do we press harder on the remote control when the batteries begin to die?
2. Why do banks charge you a fee for "insufficient funds" when they already know there's not enough money in your account?
3. Why doesn't glue stick in the bottle?
4. Why do they sterilize needles for "lethal injection"?
5. Why is it that there's still apes around if - - people supposedly evolved from apes?
6. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets??
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~The Importance of Walking:
1. Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years of age to spend an additonal 5 months in a nursing home at $7,000 per month !! GO FIGURE EH !!
2. Our grandfather started walking five miles a day when he was 60. He's now 97 years old and we still don't know where he is !!
3. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
4. At my age, I figured the only good reason to take up walking long distances was so that I could hear heavy breathing again !!
5. I joined a health club last year and spent about 400 bucks. Never lost a pound and just found out that apparently you have to actually 'go there' !!
6. Some of us have flabby thighs but fortunately our stomachs cover them 
7. Definitely a good idea that if you're going to try cross-country skiing that you start with a very small country 
8. AND FINALLY >>> Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I find a 'Happy Hour' and by the time I leave, well heck, I look just fine !! 
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Amish Efficiency !!
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage the owner of which obviously had a sense of humour because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand-made sign......
"Energy efficient vehicle; Runs on oats and grass!! CAUTION: Do not step in exhaust.
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